The Centre Cannot Hold

My thinking today is that Biden won all the votes Hillary won plus all the votes she lost to voters who could never imagine voting for a President with a vagina. They didn't expand the base. They just stole some misogynists who twist in the wind between elections like sexist windsocks.

More than a third of the electorate didn't care enough either way to vote.

That would be bad under normal circumstances. But a third of the voting-age population could not muster the energy to vote in 2020 and Trump's a Nazi.

Biden’s weak numbers some argue are attributable to his lack of resonance with Conservative voters and to that I say, who cares? The way I see it, those people double-downed on a Nazi.

Even now, when penning their post-election shitpieces, many liberal pundits are asking out loud if Biden couldn’t have done more to go deeper into red territory.

But why? Why do they make that argument?

The way the Democrats obsess about converting the 24% of Americans who identify as Republicans is a waste of time when you consider the fact that 38% of Americans don't vote at all and those nonvoters are disproportionately young, low-income and struggling.

They are real America, also.

The Democrats try to lean into a center that does not exist under the pretext of winning elections. It fails because the demographic category they most need to appeal to aren't voters at all. They're the 38% of American adults who are eligible to vote but can't or choose not to because our system sucks.

The future of the Democratic Party, if it has one, rests with the young. And I’m guessing if you polled registered Democrats under the age of 40, they'd probably tell you that they don't want to share a Party with Nazis, bigots, and billionaires. They want to build a Party that fights poverty, that legislates in favor of women, and is committed to antiracism.

Austerity in public policy has always been a bipartisan effort as long as it's been tried and the only thing the Democrats haven't tried yet to win voters is stopping it.

America's Founding Irony

The founding irony of America is that the Founding Fathers all broke a bunch of laws and committed a ton of crimes for us to even have our democracy in the first place.

You cannot tell the story of America without telling about the founding crime of high treason that got this red, white and blue ball rolling.

It’s an exercise of nationalist fantasy to wrap one’s self in the history of place, to claim a country’s story so as to author its ending. This is why generations of American Conservatives have embraced the nation’s founding as exclusively their story to tell. And for their part, Liberals have gladly ceded them the past, preferring their bridges to future nowheres. And after all, in an age of cancel culture, do you really want to risk being seen caping for slaveholders? Think of the outrage.

But it’s unnecessary to apologize for the ethical missteps of the founders to point out the truth of their situation which is that they were outlaws. Resisting taxation and raising arms to expel imperial forces, these were considered acts of treason against the Throne and an egregious affront to the King’s divine sovereignty and dominion over place and people.

It would have seemed then much like kicking God in the dick and twice in the ass for good measure.

Which is why efforts of contemporary Conservatives to identify with these founding rebels strike so incongruent, even cacophonous.

Imagine how ridiculous it would have been for any Founding Father to wave a Redcoat Lives Matter flag in front of his house. How absurd it would be to see Betsy Ross stitching a red stripe into colonial flags to honor the sacrifice of British soldiers in keeping the colonies under imperial law and order.

Every signatory of the Declaration of Independence was signing his death warrant. By so blatantly breaking the law and defying order, they made themselves the world’s most wanted men, knowing that the only thing standing between them and a firing squad was this new, fantastic idea of revolution.

These men who we call our Founding Fathers were not themselves Conservatives. Their revolution upended all traditional claims to sovereignty. In the name of advancing liberty, they discarded centuries of “but that’s how it’s always been done” in favor of a form of political governance so novel that they would have to invent it themselves.

All of this is to say that America was founded in crime. Our Revolution was, first and foremost, an act of insurrection. The colonists resisted tyranny and transcended empire to bring forth a new nation, the first of its kind, but they did so first by breaking the law.

As always, it comes down to perspective.

All of Tomorrow's Parties

Blairstown, NJ — Halloween was disappointment for millions of American children this year. With strict social distancing guidelines in place and outbreaks surging across 48 states, many local muncipalities in our state made the difficult decision of cancelling this year’s trick-or-treating.

But the ordinance did little to stop Halloween.

In the week since Halloween, 5,000 new cases of COVID-19 have been diagnosed in New Jersey, virtually all of them traced back to an ill-advised Halloween party superspreader event at 36-year-old Dave Sullivan’s house.

Officials say that nearly two hundred party-goers packed themselves into this house on Halloween night. Contact tracers tell us that one guest, 27-year-old Craig Lewis, served as the so-called “patient zero,” infected with the Coronavirus a week before the event but had been showing no symptoms.

In a Facebook photo taken at the event, Lewis is shown dressed as President Donald Trump, pantamiming what appears to be a sexual act with a large inflatable shaped like the year 2020. Witnesses who were guests at the party say that Lewis spent the party licking cups and spitting into beer bottles, yelling “HOAX, BABY, HOAX! LICK MY TAINT, LIBS!”

Another witness described Lewis’ behavior at the party as “exactly what you would expect from that kind of guy. That’s freedom. Like an eagle soaring.”

Sullivan, the host of the superspreader event, said he is not sorry for doing exactly what everyone asked him not to do. “I mean, we knew the risk we were taking. Now other people are paying the price for it. For that, I’m not sorry. If they don’t like America, they can leave. MAGA FOREVER!”

The First and Last True Genius

What if peak tech happened when our ancestors figured out how to chase herds of deer into narrowing pens for easy culling? What if it's all been downhill ever since?

What if innovation reached its zenith when, many thousands of years ago, woodland tribes coordinated to build trout hatcheries up and down every stream in their watershed, universalizing a labor-neutral, year-round protein source for all?

What if the crowning achievement of man’s intellect happened when the first one figured out that they could just scare a mammoth off a cliff and feed an entire tribe for a year?

Perhaps he was the first and last true genius.

Idiot Feminism

It's part of the violence that men expect women to be fully responsible for everything that happens to them in a world that's been set up for the past five thousand years to slice them into pieces for the benefit of shittier men.

It’s also part of the violence that our wounding is taboo, ironically stigmatized not because of the patriarchy but because of the post-feminist fallacy of pretending that women have somehow transcended gender domination. We are to assume in this fallacious reality that there are no longer any chains holding us down now that slightly more women than men are graduating from the ludicrously expensive and increasingly useless institution of the university.

Idiot feminism is whatever stands in the way of community recognition of systematized harm. It can and often does look quite smart, like Sheryl Sandberg. And it often becomes powerful because it’s so rewarded. All idiot feminism exists to either explain away systemic harms as less harmful than they really are or, better yet, attributing full accountability for those harms back onto individual women (or in the case of #metoo, specific men). It is ironic because this individualization of harm so obviously plays into the mechanics of existing oppression.

Idiot feminism is what makes women feel stupid and weak for feeling hopeless and exhausted after a lifetime of sitting under a waterfall of cascading cruelties. It’s not unlike that idiot cheerleader who yells at the goth kids from abusive families to turn their frowns upside down, it’s football time!

Idiot feminism is the reductionist compromise of complicated truths in favor of immediate legibility. It tells a short story that men like to hear because listening to women tell the full story is boring and hard. Idiot feminism is like idiot socialism in that it anticipates its audience to be much like teenage boys who haven’t the patience or focus to listen to adult women talk about anything.

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